I don’t give a shit about grand gestures or flowers at my door, I just want your teeth across my neck and my lips pressed to the small of your back, I want your stupid fucking sense of humour making me laugh at 4am when I have to be up at 6.

Unknown (via perfect)

(via wickeddnonsense)

benedictatorship:

fabferre:

assflute:

so our class is reading romeo and juliet
and i stumble across this gem

image

did shakespeare really just make a dick joke

Um, I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but all Shakespeare does is make dick jokes.

also vagina jokes

'Nothing' is Elizabethan slang for vagina

He actually wrote a play called Much Ado About Nothing 

Translation: A Lot of Fuss About Vaginas

SHAKESPEARE WROTE A FUCKTON OF DIRTY JOKES IN HIS PLAYS 

(via pure--her0in)

Tourist: Could you give us directions to Olive Garden?
New Yorker: No, but I could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant.
Tourist:
Tourist:
Tourist:
Tourist: I came here to have a good time and honestly I am feeling so attacked right now.